Dispatches From Madrid

What is there to say about spending over 2 months under an isolation order? Extreme boredom. Panic job searching. Wondering when we will regain our freedom.  Dreading life under the “new normal” whatever that may be.

In Madrid, we remain under Phase 0.5. So, what does that mean? Well, we can only leave our homes up to a one kilometer radius to go to the bank, seek medical treatment, buy food and essential items, walk dogs, and an extra hour of freedom in the morning or evening to take a walk, a run, or exercise where you don’t have to touch another person. For the average adult, that extra hour can only be taken between 6 am – 10 am or 8 pm – 11 pm.  Most people choose the evenings, which means the sidewalks are full of people and pedestrians start to take over the streets.  In many areas, it’s impossible to maintain the social distance of 2 meters because of the crowds.

Starting today, we are now required to wear masks in public places where we can’t guarantee keeping the social distance of 2 meters from other people. I did a trial run yesterday wearing a mask while I took my dog on a walk. I truly felt like I was suffocating and pulled it down off my face once we arrived at the large, empty plaza near my apartment. I can’t imagine wanting to go out with a mask on in the hot summer just to be outside.

Beautiful spring weather has come and all of Madrid desperately hopes that we can pass to Phase 1 next Monday, which would give us the freedom to see friends and family, as well as visit the outside terrace seating of bars and restaurants (at a reduced capacity of 30%-50%).

People are growing very tired of isolation. Protests in more affluent neighborhoods (which is almost unheard of in Madrid!) started earlier this week and continue each evening with people wearing Spanish flags banging on pots and pans shouting for freedom. This week, Pedro Sanchez, the President of Spain, attempted to have the isolation order extended for another 30 days from May 24^th, but was only able to get an agreement for another 15 days, which ends on June 7^th.  Legal authorities are questioning whether the government will be able to enforce further de-escalation phases if we are no longer under an isolation order.  If they are correct, then Sanchez will have to go back to congress and seek further agreements with the other political parties for more isolation periods, but his political alliances are starting to crumble, which could leave us with a minority government that cannot pass any legislation.

Early in the isolation, we used to talk about all of the things that we want to do once we are no longer under isolation orders like traveling, dancing to live music or meeting our friends at our favorite restaurants, bars and cafes.  But already, I see bars and restaurants that have gone out of business during this isolation order, and if social distancing continues to be required, then there will be no live music and dancing.  Now my wish list has gotten much shorter and I told my neighbor during a walk the other day that I only want a full-time job that will pay my bills, live a quiet life and spend time with my friends. I think life under the “new normal” is going to suck for a long period of time.

I watched a movie tonight that reminded me that there are sometimes in life when sacrificing everything is the right thing to do. A reminder that there is such a thing as great love…something that I realize now that I have never experienced.

I loved my husband and I miss him now even 6 years since he died. But a great love, where you support each other no matter what, it was not. I believe there is such a thing as great love.  My parents showed me that it’s possible. However, I fear that I may never know it personally. I will be 54 years old at the end of next month and I think that my chance for great love has passed me by.

Thanks to this god-forsaken pandemic, meeting new people and dating has changed, and will continue to change, dramatically. Madrid is a city of 3.3 million people, but we scatter from each other on the sidewalk right now out of fear. I refuse to utilize online dating apps. I have already been badly burned by my first experience with them. Now, men seem only to want someone who is willing to break the isolation order in a drastic move to simply have sex. I realize that all of us who live alone have a need for physical contact, but meaningless sex with someone who may or may not have been infected with the COVID-19 virus is a chance that I’m not willing to take. I don’t want to die from a virus or have to spend an additional 14 days in isolation. Our initial isolation order was set to expire on April 26^th, but it’s likely it will be extended until at least May 10^th, if not longer.

Tonight the air is warm and with the window open, I can hear my neighbors talking. I hear couples talking and it makes me jealous that they have someone in their lives to share this isolation and life with. I feel a deep ache of sadness combined with loneliness when I hear their conversations and tears flow down my cheeks as I sit in my open window. I even wished upon the only star that I can see in the night sky tonight that my shit life would improve somehow. We have now been isolated at home for 6 weeks and the government has not announced any measures to decrease our isolation and go back out into the world.

Right now, my only instinct is survival. I think that private English classes as I have been doing for almost 3 years now is finished for the time being thanks to this current pandemic and that social distancing is something that will be with us, as well as working from home if possible, is the new normal. People who have never taught a foreign language tell me to teach online, but that’s only possible if the students are willing. What they don’t understand is that online teaching is good for more advance students, but those at lower levels are scared. I can understand that fear. Hearing someone speak a foreign language over the telephone or computer is different than in person because it’s more difficult to understand. I can attest that it was 2 ½ years before I made a telephone call in Spanish because of the difficulty.

Now, I spend my days obsessively on every available website applying for jobs, any job, that will allow me to at least cover my expenses. Moving within Europe for a job is not an impediment. I have applied for jobs all over Spain as well as other countries. But until the isolation orders around the world are lifted, who knows when companies will start hiring new employees.

It feels like I’m standing on the edge of an abyss, but for now I’m determined to continue fighting…fighting for survival.

What can I say about such a long time passing since my last post? Monotony and boredom. The days flow from one to the next without much of a change. When the sun is shining, I’m sad that I can’t be outside enjoying it, but when it is cold and rainy, I’m sad that it looks so depressing outside.

The lack of exercise has interrupted everyone’s sleep patterns. People in Madrid are normally very active with almost everyone walking everywhere they need to go. Now we try to sleep, but our bodies aren’t tired. Last Friday, my neighbor and I started having dance parties each evening to be able to enjoy the company of another person (we maintain social distance) and dance to music for exercise. It worked great for me the first night, but my foot was so sore the next four days that it hurt to walk. So for now, I’m relegated to sitting on the sofa and singing along while my neighbor dances around the room.

The main concern for all of us is when the isolation order will be lifted and how. We know for sure it will continue until April 26^th, but there’s talk in the government of extending it to May 10^th. The public schools have announced that students will not return to the classrooms for the remainder of this academic year. That means that even if parents are allowed to return to workplaces, they will have difficulty with finding someone to stay with the children all day and make sure they do their schoolwork online.

I’ve talked with some of my students who continue to work from home about their eventual return to work in their offices. Some companies are already trying to figure out how to do it if the government orders that employees must maintain the social distance of one meter. In some businesses, less than half of the staff could return to work because there’s not enough space to allow that much distance between employees.

All of us dream of what we will do once we are free of the isolation order. Dancing and seeing friends are at the top of the list, but will we only be able to meet on café terraces where social distance can be maintained? When will we feel it’s okay to meet friends at our favorite little tapas bars where everyone is shoulder to shoulder?

Others like me dream of where we want to travel. A friend in Florence, Italy, is designing a new leather jacket for me, but I have no idea when I’ll be able to visit and pick it up. Maybe this summer or in the fall? The more I research new trips, the more I want to be free of the isolation order. I can now totally sympathize with a caged tiger. For now, I would settle for being able to simply take a walk without having to lie to the police and tell them that I’m going to the grocery store. I long for the day when I can go inline skating in Retiro Park with my friends and feel the sun and breeze on my face. Until then, I must simply watch the new spring leaves unfurl on the tree outside my window. I have a sneaking suspicion that they will all be completely unfurled before we are free again.

Finally, I have something to celebrate! My website for my new travel company TLC Tours LLC is live! You can check it out at www.tlc-tours.org. I specialize in small group tours of the lesser known (but fabulous!) parts of Europe away from the major tourist destinations where travelers can get to know the local people, culture and activities. We all need something to look forward to when the pandemic crisis is over and what better way to do that than planning vacations!

Since it looks like the Spanish government will be extending our current lock down another 15 days to the end of April, I’m going to devote my time to researching and organizing additional tours that will be added to the website. So, keep checking it to see the other tantalizing and hidden gems I find.

Lola and I were out walking at 8 pm tonight when the neighborhood started clapping at their windows for our health professionals. My neighbor serenaded us again on his saxophone and when he stopped playing to sing the chorus of the song, all the neighbors joined in the singing!

An article in today’s newspaper said the Spanish government is considering extending our lock down until April 26. Joder! Just 2 days ago, the same newspaper reported that the government was considering plans for how to lift the lock down gradually. This news is a blow to everyone’s mental state as we watch the beautiful spring days pass from our windows.

The monotony of every day life inside a small apartment makes me lose track of what day of the week it is. I have started setting an alarm to wake me each morning to try to keep somewhat of a normal schedule. Every morning when it goes off, I have to remind myself of the day of the week. I try to find things to do to stay busy, but many times I find myself just staring out of the window listening to the birds singing.

I have only 5 students doing telephone classes a week. My employer still hasn’t paid me for my March classes, which should have happened on April 1^st, saying that it hasn’t been paid yet by the client. They hope they will be able to pay me next Monday.

I had to go to my bank today and it took me almost an hour on crutches, even though it is only one metro stop away. I thought about going to the grocery store on my way home, but the line stretched all the way across the large plaza and back again. There had to be at least 50-60 people waiting in line, so I banished that thought and went straight home.

Lola is the only one who is happy that I am home all of the time.  She gets settled right up against my leg on sofa so she will know if I get up. I am still sharing her with my neighbor who can take her for longer walks than I can manage right now (and it allows my neighbor to leave her apartment). Yesterday, we were laughing that everyone says that when the lock down is over, we can go have a beer to celebrate, but with very little income now, we probably won’t have any money to buy that beer.

Saturday and Sunday we had two glorious days of spring weather! Warm days with not a cloud in the sky…all experienced from our windows, since we have to remain in our homes. But not today. Today the weather turned cold, gray and we got rain with a mixture of snow right after I headed out to the pharmacy and grocery store. The weather people say we will have this winter weather all week, but lucky us, next weekend is supposed to be warm and sunny again, though no one can go outside to enjoy it.

I don’t know if it is a supply chain problem because of the travel restrictions or if all pain medication is being diverted to hospitals because of the coronavirus, but I can’t find a pharmacy that has my pain medication. You see, I suffer from chronic migraines caused by changes in the barometric pressure. A nasty side effect from a sinus surgery that I had years ago that cannot be fixed and has caused me to be under a doctor’s care for pain management for 14 years now. The best way that I can explain it is if you have ever flown with a head cold and your inner ears are swollen. That horrible inner ear pain during take-off and landing is the pain that I get, but it doesn’t go away until the barometric pressure rises again. Sometimes that can go on continuously for 2-3 days.

So today, I stood in line on crutches outside a pharmacy in the snow/rain for 15 minutes waiting to see if I could get my pain meds, only to be told they were out. I then tried a second pharmacy, but it was closed for lunch from 2pm to 5 pm. I then tried a third pharmacy, only to be accused by the pharmacists of bringing them a color photocopy of my doctor’s written prescription and having them tell me they couldn’t fill it because it was not the original prescription. It WAS the original prescription, and after arguing with them in Spanish for 15 minutes, I gave up and started home. I had a backpack heavy with groceries and my arms and shoulders were so tired that I could barely walk with my crutches. By the time I got back to my apartment building, I was exhausted and sobbing in frustration. My neighbor was coming out of the building and stopped to ask if she could help. She ended up taking my prescription with her back to the pharmacy where they basically told her that they don’t give out codeine to anyone and tried to convince her it was a photocopy. Joder!

All they want to give me is paracetamol, which would only help if I could schedule my migraines to happen between 6am and 2 pm because it has caffeine in it! If I take it after 2 pm, then I can’t sleep. So, to all of you doctors and pharmacists who think that paracetamol is the magic answer to codeine-based pain killers, you are HORRIBLY wrong and have obviously never had a migraine in the middle of the night that makes you feel like your inner ears are going to explode.

Sorry, but I really needed to vent.

Other than that, life is just swell. I have very little work, which means very little income. I can only leave my apartment for groceries and to walk my dog. I haven’t seen my friends in weeks. My last physical contact with another human was March 25 when a doctor removed my stitches. And we still have another 15 days of lock down to go, though most of us think it will be extended. Yep, just living the dream in quarantine during a pandemic. At least I can mark that one off of my bucket list.

It’s snowing in Madrid! WTF???? We had a beautiful, sunny spring day yesterday (our first since March 15), but now as I look out of my window at the cold, gloomy day, there are snowflakes falling in the light rain. At first, they were tiny, but they seem to be getting bigger and more frequent. Crazy weather for a crazy time.

So yesterday, I did the unthinkable. I went to a large hospital to get my stitches removed. I really didn’t want to go there. Thankfully, I have one of the good masks that actually filters out the virus, but I felt like I was suffocating the entire time that I had it on. I kept fogging up my glasses and looked like Little Orphan Annie. I really can’t imagine what it must be like for health professionals to wear those masks for so many hours in a day.

My surgeon had told me to enter through a specific door of the hospital and gave me directions from that door to get to the orthopedic consulting office. However, my Cabify driver and I quickly realized that the door I was told to enter was also the entrance to the emergency room. The scene of a huge crowd of possibly infected people ran through my mind and I almost told the driver to take me home. Lucky for me, my driver spoke English and when I told him that I was going there to have my stitches removed in the orthopedic consulting office, he was able to take me around the side of the hospital where I could enter through another door that led to my surgeon’s office.

In that part of the hospital, it was like a ghost town. I guess so many doctors and nurses have been drafted to help with the crowds entering the emergency room that all other appointments have been canceled. Anyway, I eventually got to the place where I needed to be and a young doctor removed the stitches. The only downside is that I have to continue using my crutches to walk until at least April 6^th, then switch to using only one of them. I have truly come to loathe those crutches.

Taxis were lined up in front of the hospital and I chose to walk the long way around the outside of the hospital, rather than through it, to get a taxi to take me home. As I passed the entrance to the emergency room, I saw exhausted doctors and nurses sneaking out to have a smoke.

So many people are working from home that many are experiencing slow internet connections, while others have already used up all of their monthly data plans. I am sharing my internet network with my neighbor across the hall, another teacher, so she can continue teaching online because she has no more data until April 1^st on her plan.

I can hear my next door neighbor practicing new songs on his saxophone for his nightly 8 pm neighborhood recitals. He’s actually not bad, thank God! If he were horrible, things could get really ugly with me stuck inside having to listen to it.

We are not yet half way through our 30 days of lock down and the government appears to now be discussing two scenarios: 1) the possibility of extending the lock down, and 2) if it is not extended, how it will let us go back to normal life, or should I say “the new normal”. It sounds like it will be a gradual lifting of the lock down, with certain types of businesses allowed to open again and additional reasons given to us that allow us to leave our homes. I haven’t read any concrete details, but at least the government is starting to talk about life after lock down, which is a good thing. Until now, it has felt like we are all hunkered down trying to wait out a bombing attack and all we could think about was just surviving, but nothing more.

Blessed sunshine! It’s the first day since this lock down began that we have seen a beautiful spring day. The leaves on the trees outside my window are starting to come out. Spring is usually a wonderful time of year in Madrid. There are outdoor markets with live bands, people meeting friends for drinks on terraces of restaurants and bars, and everyone wanting to soak up the sunshine after a cold, gray winter. But not this spring. I fear we may all have to experience spring from our windows looking out at the world.

I find solace in comfort food, so last night I used the last of my stash of enchilada sauce to make beef enchiladas and shared some with my Spanish neighbor. There’s nothing like a little Tex-Mex food to make you feel better, if only for a little while.

I was supposed to have my stitches taken out of my foot today, but my surgeon emailed me to let me know that he has now tested positive for the virus. His symptoms are mild, but it means that he is now in isolation, so he has instructed me to go to the hospital where he works, instead of his private practice office) to have another surgeon take them out. Walking into a hospital in the middle of a pandemic is not my first choice of fun things to do to get out of my apartment. Lucky for me, I now have one of the good masks that I can wear. However, it’s a big hospital and he told me to go through a specific door to get where I need to be. The problem is that there is no map of this huge hospital on its own website (really people?), so I know I’ll be a bit paranoid walking slowly on crutches all over the hospital trying to find the office where I need to go.

I have had to make myself stop looking at the news online so much. The anxiety it causes makes me want to go down the rabbit hole. All of the stories are about the virus, how many people are infected and how many more have died. It reminds me of when we used to go visit my grandparents and all that they seemed to talk about were the people the knew who were dying or had died. I read one story that was quoting a medical expert who talked about what life will be like once the government decides to lift the lock down. The scary part of it was the fact that the government doesn’t appear to have any plan for when and how that will happen.  

We are all waiting to hear when the curve has flattened and things start looking more positive. But to be honest, I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon.

I’m having trouble going to sleep these days. At first, I thought it was just from the medications I’ve had to take following my foot surgery, but now I know it’s not. I simply can’t get my brain to shut down. I worry about the spread of the virus and know that every time that I go out to buy groceries, I could get infected, but I don’t have a choice if I want to keep eating. Home delivery of groceries is really not an option. Every grocery store in Madrid that delivers has a full delivery schedule, so you can’t complete an online purchase.

I also worry about how to pay bills and what will the economic situation look like once people can actually return to their places of work. I desperately want to be able to launch my new travel tour business that is currently on hold. Will we be in another recession like 2008? Will people want to spend money on English classes or travel?

On a personal level, I wonder when I will finally be able to go out and meet my friends. I haven’t had actual, physical contact with another human being since March 13 when the surgeon removed my post-operative bandage. I will see him again tomorrow to get my stitches out, and again, it will be my only other physical contact. It’s lonely spending every day locked up in an apartment. It truly feels like life is on hold. You can’t go anywhere or do anything and no one knows how long it will last.

So many people have died from the virus here in Madrid that the two crematoriums can no longer keep up the pace. The government has taken over a local ice skating rink and turned it into a morgue where the bodies are being stored. I read the world news constantly and see people complaining about shelter in place orders just now being placed on them or others just ignoring the government orders to go to the beach or skiing in the mountains. PEOPLE ARE DYING FROM THIS VIRUS! Young, old, rich, poor… it doesn’t matter. Don’t be stupid. STAY HOME. It may be your only chance at not being infected.

Standing in line outside the grocery store (and pharmacy) to enter is the new normal here, only now they give you a pair of grocer’s plastic gloves (like you find in the produce section) to use while shopping after you have used the hand sanitizer at the front door. I understand why they give them out, but shopping with them on your hands gets slippery. I can’t tell you how many times I almost dropped things.

My daily amusement now is to find out what items people are panic buying. The panic buying of toilet paper is a global thing. I even read that there was a toilet paper robbery in Hong Kong last week! In the US, it’s guns and ammunition. In Thailand, it’s canned tuna and other canned meats. In Berlin, people were breaking the government’s lock down orders to stand in line outside brokerage houses to buy gold. Here in my little neighborhood, pasta sauce now seems to be the panic buying item du jour. I also noticed that, although the shelves of fresh meat have been restocked at the grocery store, there was no ground beef for sale. Does that mean people’s standard of cooking has been drastically reduced or that most people now have a serious lack of imagination due to the monotony and boredom that has set in during this lock down?

We are now through one week of lock down with at least three more weeks of it to go. Police are now starting to crack down on people who are outside of their homes without a reason that matches the few things we are allowed to leave home to do. My neighbor walked Lola for me earlier today and saw the police giving citations to a couple out walking. Fines can range from €600-€3000, but you can also be arrested. I read today that one man in the northwest of Spain actually went outside and tried to get the police to arrest him because he said that he cannot take one more day of being in lock down with only his mother for company. Harsh!

A friend here in Madrid told me that one of her roommates went out for supplies the other day and came back with a bag of potato chips, a 6-pack of beer, a bottle of wine, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of strawberry gin and a bottle of lemonade. You have to love a roommate like that! Now, they argue over whose turn it is to take out the trash, because it’s the only excuse to leave their apartment and get some fresh air.